storms in pernambuco

 

 maybe i shouldhaveseen that therapist.......,myabe i relaly really really should.....oh i made a terrible mistake, terrible, horrible, i don't know if i'll ever be able to forgive myself............i.........i'm going crazy, i'm dangerous............i really hurt elize.....i badly hurt her eye........i think i blinded her.......with a kitchenknife last night........ i was seeing cats, i was hearing it so loud.........the visions are getting scarier, so much red, eyes, i hear screams and car sounds and yyowls................and i saw a monster.......in place of elize.......and my mind went blank for a second and and then.................she had blood coming out of her eye, and the knife was in my hand, and the blood...................on the tip...........dripping down.......... i called for the ambulance............we rushed to the hospital...........it was late at night...........elize.....lied to the doctors about me hurting her.............i shouldve siad it....admit...

 people have started to catch on, you know.....of course, elize was the first one to notice how erratic i've been......it's hard to hide it when you're seeing and hearing things that don't seem to really be there.....i don't know if i'm seeing spirits like elize does. it's just......the cat;;;......all the time.........and the meows...........they think should see a therpaist, maybe i'm hallucinating, but i just..........it can't be, right? i'm okay......right?? it's just a cat...........it's nothing scary.....just...........a little bit of paranoia........checking my sides......you know.......there might be a cat around the corner........i'm okay........i'm okay.........it's just a cat. i told elize i'm okay. she is worried..........but i'm okay. i'm not crazy.......

 i've been too distracted to give the blog attention..........weird things are happening.....i'm sure i wrote a few months back about my recurring dreams....well, they haven't stopped since, and then at some point.....the cat finally looked at me and i didn't wake up. i got to see its face.......red and blue eyes.....it stared directly at me.....and then....... i'm seeing it out of my dreams...twice now i think i caught it in the corner of my eye before it disappeared. i haven't told anyone really......i'm paranoid about them thinking i'm crazy.....am i just imagining this? i don't even know. i'm trying to hide the fact i'm a bit scared....i hope it stops soon. 

 

 something funny happened the other day.........i have been having this recurring dream for sometime now in which i'm in my booth at the road and the moon starts getting bigger, and brighter.....and bigger......until it takes over the entire sky in white.......the entire road lit in moonlight, empty, no cars at all.....and then in the middle of all the white, a single black cat sits there, like a shadow.....i can't leave the booth, so i just stare at it, and when it turns around......i wake up. i have been having the same exact dream a lot....elize doesn't really seem to know what it means, it beats me too.....but now for the weirdest part - socorro told me about another recurring dream of theirs, and the black cat appears as well.......isn't that peculiar?? there is a cat vising us in our sleep, from my head to theirs......who else might dream of black cats every night......??

 maybe it's misplaced, but i sometimes worry about my girlfriend......ever since she has dived head first into refining herself as a spirit medium, she has been tired all the time.....always psychographing letters, giving people messages from their passed loved ones, making passes, having conversations in the cemetery..........the problem being it exhausts her, drains her emotionally all the time.....she sleeps so much and yet is always tired........elize is strong and determined, but sometimes too much for her own good........as much as she is getting her abilities stronger, i worry about them getting her hurt, the spirits.....i have never seen anything myself, so i don't know how it feels, but i can see it's not easy to have this constant connection with them....whenever she drinks now, it gives way for them to possess her....she goes around the bar telling people of their future, crying with them.......i try and get her home with her stumbling all over, still coming back...