elize......

 maybe it's misplaced, but i sometimes worry about my girlfriend......ever since she has dived head first into refining herself as a spirit medium, she has been tired all the time.....always psychographing letters, giving people messages from their passed loved ones, making passes, having conversations in the cemetery..........the problem being it exhausts her, drains her emotionally all the time.....she sleeps so much and yet is always tired........elize is strong and determined, but sometimes too much for her own good........as much as she is getting her abilities stronger, i worry about them getting her hurt, the spirits.....i have never seen anything myself, so i don't know how it feels, but i can see it's not easy to have this constant connection with them....whenever she drinks now, it gives way for them to possess her....she goes around the bar telling people of their future, crying with them.......i try and get her home with her stumbling all over, still coming back to her body......i admire her strength always but she doesn't realize she is human and has limits......i think i need to talk to her, about prioritizing herself more....though i'm one to talk about taking care of the self, huh........i don't think she'll take me seriously at all. i'm just trying to look out for her as i can.......

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 . none of it is real. the cats are not real. the road is not real. i finally see it now. the spirit is the road and the road is the spirit. the road is me and i am the road. we are the road and the road is us. from the road we came to the road we go. the red moths roam. the beast is fed. the beast in me. the beast in us. the end is nigh. and my end is now. for i was not the one.
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about that.

 it seems i went nuts on the blog last night......as usually, i barely remember anything. i blanked.....woke up and had scribbled on pages upon pages.....words i can't decipher.....typed so much, wrote so much my hands are sore.....i really wasn't myself.....more and more i believe on elize's spirit theory........i'm keeping the posts up so i can show them to her.....oh god......i'm terrified......one second i feel okay, and my senses are here with me.......and....and then in others i'm screaming at elize's door......i'm writing on the walls, i'm.........hearing, seeing all of that......i'm missing work days, i'm sleeping poorly. elize is trying all she can, spiritual passes..........reading so much.........she's trying to fix me but...................what if i can't be fixed.......the thing i'm most terrified about is..... .......what if i hurt her again...?
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